What can one reasonably expect of a film that starts with Peter Lawford being shot in the ass by a fellow hunter? If you haven’t asked yourself that question you probably haven’t been held hostage by your cable service at 2 Am. The film? 1952’s You And Me, featuring a love triangle so wobbly it challenges high school geometry. At its limp corners: Lawford, Jane Greer and Gig Young.
After the first shot is fired, wealthy and eligible Tony Brown is taken to the hospital. There he is not coddled, and thus bitterly announces that he is canceling his late father’s endowment to the hospital. In the fray, beautiful young nurse Katie loses her job. Horrors!
The handsome and serious young doctor benefiting from the endowment encourages Katie to seduce the wounded playboy.
Is it probable that both men find the fetching young Katie irresistible? Is it possible that she will choose the virtuous doctor? Who can say? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Tony Peterson explains to Carolyn that he doesn’t like it when people try to crack his safe. She pitches the woo to distract him, he lights a cigarette, looking bored. Carolyn weaves a yarn that paints Julia as a blackmailer, thus giving her a reason to be after the notebook. He initially buys it until he talks to Julia. He chooses to believe her over the toothsome babe.
Daniel arrives home from Boston in time to annoy Julia, who has already had a tough enough day. She ankles it to Barnabas’ house, known as “the old house” where he attempts to strangle her. He is stopped by the ghost of his little sister, who reminds him that hurting people is bad.
Perhaps the most talented mimic of the bird world, the See and Say blows jazz - he can imitate most songbirds, but, distressingly, he can also imitate car alarms and tire blow outs. They are known to flock on wires above highways, where they honk and screech, testing the patience of already harried commuters.
Field Notes:
- They were a domesticated species until a pet shop owner could no longer bear the incessant imitations of her dripping faucet.
- This bright, alert, yet annoying little bird is quick on the uptake. Don’t say anything in its presence you don’t want the whole city to know.
Barnabas bewitches Julia in an attempt to make her believe that a man she helped kill has come back to kill her. “Perhaps today, or tomorrow, or the day after that,” he drones. Whenever he gets around to it, apparently. Julia suspects that Barnabas is behind this, because the man in question was never that tedious in life.
A stressed out Julia confronts Barnabas and he contends that she is going mad. As Julia becomes more hysterical, Barnabas becomes more paranoid about Julia’s notes.
Carolyn once again entices Peterson and succeeds in lifting the keys to his safe. Later that evening, he catches her trying to break into it. The look he gives her could kill flies.
Twenty years before Kathy Bates was swinging an ax at James Caan, Clint Eastwood braved the wrath of sexually overheated teachers and students at a Confederate girls’ school in The Beguiled.
Eastwood plays a Yankee soldier who lands wounded near the school’s gate. The girls take him in with the intention of handing him over to Confederate soldiers, but he manages to charm the bloomers off of them. Ahem.
Eastwood eventually gets his comeuppance, but not before he unleashes a flurry of pheromones. This film is pure smut of the variety usually relegated to romance novels. It transfixed me when I was 11, so I watched it again last night to see what had held my interest.
The first 15 minutes covers pedophilia, incest and rape. As the story unfolds, it shows two girls kissing. Granted, this was in a dream sequence – probably the only way to get it past the censors in 1971. I’m amazed it made it past my mother, who allowed me to watch this astonishingly cheesy libido fest. She was probably too stunned to send me to bed.
I think I might have enjoyed it almost as much the second time around. But don’t tell anyone.
Julia passes an uncomfortable hour in The Collins family mausoleum, being tormented by the spirits of the dead. The blood oozing from the walls further unnerves her.
Back at Collinwood, she runs into Carolyn and tries to persuade her to keep her company. Again, she finds herself alone. The voice-over complains of a penetrating cold, similar to what she felt at the mausoleum. Doors and shutters fly open, revealing that Barnabas is not above using low tech magic to drive Julia mad. The plan seems to be going along swimmingly.
Majestic but vain, the Great American Comb Over is in serious denial. He is sure that ruffling his few remaining head feathers will fool females into thinking he has a lovely crest. Point in fact, he just looks silly. A distant cousin of the Tree Dwelling Toupee.
Julia behaves oddly after receiving several wallops of witchcraft.
Peterson woos Carolyn by calling her “Rich, spoiled and silly.” They kiss passionately, moving their arms around a lot. This is as hot as it gets in Collinwood.
Barnabas tells Julia that he has developed both a human conscience and feelings for her. She behaves like a smitten schoolgirl.
Passions flare as credits roll.
The Host is a Korean horror/monster film featuring a creature that looks like sushi gone wrong. The movie shifts in tone from a satire pointed at the U.S. government to slapstick involving the central characters: a dysfunctional family trying desperately to outsmart the fishy menace terrorizing its city.
This is a terrifically entertaining and genuinely suspenseful film, despite its goofy monster. There were dark elements that would not have been acceptable in a formulaic Hollywood film. This is fearless film-making that deserves a wider audience. Available on DVD now.
Go to any popular watering hole and you’re sure to see the Tipsy Warbler. Approach carefully, or you’ll end up with a highly emotional new best friend. ”I love you, man - I love you man,” is its most common call. Besides, of course, last call.
Field Notes:
- Erratic flying patterns
- Markings similar to the Wild Turkey
