This bright-eyed bird is an absolute delight. Forthright but never cruel, he’ll grace your yard with songs of experience. Unfortunately, petty and resentful birds will be on him like a $20 suit. The ensuing fights leave most viewers traumatized. Endangered.
Known for its disagreeable call and pugnacious manner, the Bronx Cheer cuts no slack. Pity the bird who finds that one is nesting near him. He’ll pick a fight just for fun and that’s the least of it.
Advice: Do not try to reason with him, he’ll only find it amusing. Pffffffffft!
Its call of “Where’s-My-Nest” is shrill sounding, but also poignant. This poor forgetful fellow can’t find anything, including his hapless mate. Think of this bird the next time you lose your keys and you’ll have some small idea.
Perpetually depressed, even suet can’t cheer this guy up. He perches morosely on the sides of trees, trying to think of one good reason he should peck. Resist the temptation to offer comfort. This one is best left to professionals.
The C.P.A. of the bird world, keeping to a prompt, tightly controlled schedule that is a marvel of efficiency. Its call is equally no-nonsense. Just a few twitters to get his point across. Cuckoo? I could think of no bird more sober or serious.
The most visual of birds, the Auteur likes his nest to look like the atmospheric set of some obscure film. In fact, he is considered a bit of a pest because he needs so many of them. Worse yet, he is a control freak who loves nothing more than rearranging gardens to his own taste. Hope you weren’t to attached to those tulips.
God help them. Without the refuge of a sideshow, they depend on you getting past their odd appearance to get a little birdseed. Instead of looking away, perhaps you would do well to look within.
For most, seasonal allergies are a fleeting problem. Not so for The Ohio Sneezalot, whose migratory pattern keeps him square dab in the middle of blossoming ragweed. He doggedly follows the pattern when most birds would catch on and adapt, giving rise to the theory that this sturdy looking bird is a complete dolt.
Staggering under a dark cloud of verbiage, the Cliche can barely lift his head some days. He gets by with handouts from students of writing workshops who find his plight moving, and write about it as a “moving plight.” He’d like to soar, but it’s all too much.
A diet of fruit and berries does sound healthy, but it has a dark side, as anyone who has ever stood upwind of this bird will tell you. Some nice chunky birdseed would do him a world of good, but I’m afraid that we’re dealing with a purist. Advice: move quickly, re-think breathing.
